your thong is hanging out like whoa
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
