I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
