She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is it because I queefed?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
