I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
