i already hear my dad disowning me
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
