I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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