why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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