Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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