so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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