Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
