There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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