If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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