who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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