dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
