I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
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