went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize