Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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