hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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