PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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