9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
