Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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