SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
