I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
