dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
