I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I touched a dick in church today
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
