I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
