I could have mohawked her pubes.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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