I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
