Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize