im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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