we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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