remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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