Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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