i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
