I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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