Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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