doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
