Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
