my vag is so smooth its legendary
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
