If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize