Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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