So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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