corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
