just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The power of my boobs compel you
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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