wat bout pragnant strippers??
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
