You're completely useless in the revolution.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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