hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
