First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
