good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I deserve this hangover.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
