I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Me too!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
