there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
