You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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