i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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