I feel great
I just peed on a car
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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