When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
