I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
