Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
