just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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