either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
