FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
