he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
