he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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