oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize