all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
