I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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