Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
