i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
